I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
