put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
