you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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