chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
