I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
