so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
