I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
