also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
