If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
