We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize