she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize