I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
