Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
