We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
