The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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