U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
