I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize