smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
