It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
