He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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