I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
