I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There are leaves in my underwear?
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