The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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