I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
