i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize