i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
