So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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