Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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