Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
