i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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