I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
