I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize