Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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