She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
NoShamevember. You game?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
