We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
