If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
