i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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