So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
