Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
