dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
