gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
