Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
