I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
