Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hippo gnu deer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize