I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
