I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
