Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
