how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
