so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
