I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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