college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
