yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
