I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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