dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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