I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
