I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
