how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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