One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
