I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize