I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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