FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize