She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
