i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
