My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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