Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
