Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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