Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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