i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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