doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
